May 2010
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Lunchroom Reform

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If you have been in school the last week and you aren’t blind, then you’ve noticed the new long tables in the middle cafeteria. These tables are the second reformation in the lunch room system here at Hickman; one that both humiliates and degrades a person’s confidence and well-being.

If I wanted to sit at a long table, I would’ve accepted the invitation on my 11th birthday to attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

            Nonetheless, these tables hearken back to the days where your preschool teacher would tell you that it was time to finger paint, and to not get too messy because you don’t want to be icky before you take your nap. Let’s hope you don’t poop your pants.

            I personally have always enjoyed being out of a conversation with my friends, and these tables allow for my desire to be fulfilled. If I am unlucky enough to be the last person to get to the lunch table (and God forbid there’s an uneven number of people sitting there), then I might as well go eat my lunch on the toilet seat in the boy’s bathroom because there’s no way I’m going to have any idea what’s going on.

            There’s a reason why people remember the story of King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table. It’s because they used a round table. This allowed for everyone’s voice to be heard, because your position at the table didn’t matter.

            I hope that the purchase (or acquisition) of these new tables was a good deal for our school. Maybe we sold the round tables and made a profit in getting a hold of the tables. If not, these tables are more unnecessary than a debate on whether OJ really did it.*

*He did.  

By Drew Gieseke

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